Boundaries

I believe I was listening to the We Can Do Hard Things Podcast when they were talking about boundaries. When we set boundaries with other people, it is not about what we expect the other person to do – boundaries are about what we will do and how we will conduct ourselves if they are crossed.

Growing up, I always thought setting boundaries with people meant having a huge discussion and expecting the other person to change behavior that negatively affected me. But that was really leaving control in the hands of the other person. Instead, a boundary can be set silently or explicitly, and the boundary setter is in control of if and how the relationship moves forward.

Even though I had this dramatic idea of how boundaries needed to be set, I never really believed I had permission to set them. As an adoptee, expected to fulfill other’s needs, I never thought I was allowed to have needs of my own. It was engrained in me to let other people treat me poorly.

After therapy, I realized I was allowed – and deserved to set boundaries – even with “family”. I think that was part of the problem growing up, I was raised to believe it didn’t matter how badly people treated you if they were family – you were supposed to tolerate it.

Healing and stepping into my power allowed me to see I deserve to have boundaries with toxic people in my life. It doesn’t matter if those people are in adoptive family, biological family, a spouse’s family or at work. Power, peace and calm are worth protecting ourselves.

We’ve existed long enough for others; we’re allowed to take care of ourselves now.

Much Adoptee Love To You.

Lora