Reclaiming Lora

Adoptees know the importance and significance of names. Finding out our birth names can be a powerful piece of our healing journey.

For the past year I started showing up in the adoptee community as Lora K. Joy. Lora was the name my biological mother gave me but didn’t feel she had a right to put on my original birth certificate. K. stands for Kimberly, which is the name on my adoption record. Someone in foster care or the adoption agency gave me this name. I only found out that my biological mother did not name me Kimberly because I found her and was able to ask the question. If I hadn’t found her, I would still think she named me Kimberly. K. also stands for my biological mother’s last name. Joy was my adopted name. Given to me because I “brought so much joy” to my adoptive parents. The name Joy has always felt like a lie and a burden. It never felt right, and I always had a general dislike for my name.

I heard stories of other adoptees legally changing their name, but always thought keeping my adoptive name would be easiest. But over the course of the year, as I continued my journey of healing and slowly became Lora, I knew I had to rectify this wrong and reclaim the person I should have always been. I tried to let this process be organic. I did not want to force the situation or rush it. And one day in late 2021, I knew I had fully become Lora.

My birthday is in January. I decided to start the legal process a week after I turned 43, as a gift to myself. I went to the courthouse, filed the petition, paid the fee and had a court date for a week later.

On January 20, 2022, at 1:30 pm I went into courtroom #1 with my son. The judge called me to the front and said, “you’re changing your name from Joy Michelle to Lora with no middle name” and I confirmed the change. He said, “ok, I’ll sign the order”. And it was done. We walked out of the courtroom with the official order at 1:40 pm. And I felt liberated, lighter.

The next day, I felt the name Lora sink into my chest. I had carried Lora with me my whole life and by reclaiming her, this ghost was allowed to come out of hiding, to the surface and be seen for the first time.

I love the spelling of Lora. I look like Lora. I am Lora and really, I always have been.

Reclaiming my name was one more way to establish agency in my life, to shed a burden, to bring the real me to the surface. If you are an adoptee who is considering changing your name, whether to your birth name or a name of your choosing, know that you are allowed to have this freedom too.

Much adoptee love to you.

Lora