For the past year I started showing up in the adoptee community as Lora K. Joy. Lora was the name my biological mother gave me but didn’t feel she had a right to put on my original birth certificate
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As a pro-choice woman, this past week’s events in the Supreme Court are more than concerning. Amy Coney Barrett’s comments during the case to overturn Roe show just how little is understood about relinquishment and adoption trauma, especially from an adoptive mother’s perspective.
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So much of my adoption healing work has been done by looking in the past at memories, experiences and feelings. I go back to that time or age and work on healing the wounds.
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My biological mother was raised Catholic. She chose a Catholic adoption agency when she was pregnant. On the paperwork she stated she would prefer her baby go to a Catholic family.
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As adopted babies we are pulled out of our natural families and environments and put into the arms of strangers.
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I have been alone my whole life – from the moment I was taken from my mother at birth.
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At mile 18-20, I felt a sharp pain in my right calf. It was fast, for a split second, then it was gone. So, I took inventory of my body and decided to keep going.
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Quarantine 2020 allowed me the space to find this amazing adoptee community online. Listening to every episode of Adoptees On, I heard about Dear Adoption. I thought about what I would write to adoption and created this piece.
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There is no end to this journey. I will always be adopted and there will always be healing work to do. But the only place to do that work is standing fully in my truth, in the sun, fully exposed. In the adoptee fog, I did not know what I did not know. The truth and realization were hard and sometimes painful, but they were the only way out of the fog and into the warmth.
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